penat.....
all d sleepless nights n emotional struggles
harap2 keputusannye memuaskan hati
bkn memuaskan shj
tp, memuaskan hati hana
and yes, i'm so hard to be please

hohoho
i got a new hair-do
best....

m.o.o.d.y

i just read a fewof my previous post
i guess i'm in gloomy...

mgkn jgk hn stressing
most of d time
bile hana nk buat sebaik mgkn, d result turned out vise versa
jd, bl skrg hn rs nk buat sebaik mgkn...
hana rs takut

i am afraid of failure
bg hn,org yg takut dgn kegagalan ialah org yg pernh merasa kegagalan itself
so, bl someone yg hn rs x pernh gagal talk about he is afraid of failure
it sounds funny to me

ya Allah, mudahkanlah jalan hana
tentukanlah yang terbaik untuk hana
you know how bad i want to do it well
i dont wanna be d same person i used to be years before
even i cant make it big
at least, let it be at d same level as my sisters before

ni yg susah bila dpt adik beradik pandai2
tertekan...

GAMBARIMASU hana-san
i know i can make it
just as the last time during my spm n diploma days
alang2 dh pegi jauh...
abiskan terus
just another month to go

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

~trying to be optimistic

rambling

I guess
I’m just... exhausted.
Hating someone is exhausting.
Trying to please everybody also is exhausting
For me...the most exhausting of all
is to trying to pushing my limits
trying to do something that is outside my power

there are some things i just can't help but talk about.
some things we just don't want to hear,
and some things i say because i can't be silent any longer.
Some things are more than what i say.
They're what i do.
Most of the things i say because i have no other choice.
Most of the things i keep to myself.
And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

I guess i need to learn how to communicate more
need to learn to accept help
need to change my view it is not too childish to take
but i read somewhere
“a lot of non-takers are really quite happy witj themselves”
hehehh..
i guess i am hepi wif myself
but still,
funny thing is, once we grow up,
learn our words and really start talking,
the harder it becomes to know what to say.
Or how to ask for what we really need.

~gambarisu!!!less than a month to go for report submission date

too much

how do you know how much is too much?
too much too soon.
too much information.
too much fun.
too much love, or too much to ask of someone?

When is it all just too much for us 2 bear?

i want to write on sumthin else actually
but when i was trying to turn on my computer....
eheh...x nk msk window lak

ade la rase mcm nk pitam ckit2
hana buat LR kt c drive
lupe nk wat copy
x kan nk suruh wat blk for almost 50 pages tuh

lps jampi2, bace2 doa, tiup2 ckit,pejam2 mata sampai sakit kapla...
berjaya gak akhirnyer...
trs cpt2 wat backup
burned sume jurnal, references, e-mails
anything related to my thesis
cuak if anything happen

bwuahahahaha......
cukup2 la dugaan utk tahun nie

~iza has been admitted to sjmc. hopefully everythin is fine.bdk tu pn dh byk faced difficulties dis year. bump here and there...i guess it's a part of growing phase (heheh...ayat dayah)

m.o.r.e

There's something to be said about a glass half full,
about knowing when to say when.
I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need.
Of desire.

It's entirely up to the individual,
and it depends what's being poured.
Sometimes all we want is a taste.
Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless... all we want is more.

ari ni hana mengeluh....
sedih dan kecewa
until yesterday ihavent got any difficulties in collecting info for my final project
but today
i was scared out of my wits.
i'm having problem in focusing my target segment
i do have my focus
but i'm afraid the sample size mite be considered as small
funny huh
malaysia xde specific data/directory listed wat kind of services conducted by a particular company
kecewa...
dah la tu
malaysian company seems relucted to be engaged in such survey or study that eventually can benefited to them later
sedey...
i've emailed some of researcher overseas
and ALL of them help me in various way to the extent
i even think -dorg ni x takut ker kalo org lain curi idea ni....?
kenapa la org malaysia xnk menolong sesama kita ek
confius

Get to know me better ahaks...:D

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

“It’s fine”
I’ve been saying it all my life
Someone asked me why I’m keep saying that i’m fine
“Are you always so cold on yourself?
There’s 2 possibilities, Either you’re over confident or you’re in-confident.”
It’s a habit
“I’m fine
I’ll be okay”
I’ve been saying it all my life.

Rejection

‘Rejection is still a rejection’
Dat is wat i said to 1 of my fren who suffering wif somekind of disease
which is; trying to accepting and recovering from a rejection.
but I guess d feelings just resolve around ‘like’
it’s not like she oready fallin’ for dis guy
only dat she saw d potential dat d feeling can be developing into luv.
that is wat I thought
wat she really felt is still something dat I can’t figured out.

dis guy rejected her by saying dat he just want to keep their r/ship just as a good fren
which I can’t totally accept if he constantly messaging n calling her almost every nite
n treating her like a princess.
(wat d ****)
then, gave dis kind of lame excuses just to get away from her
but it’s not like he totally gone
he still msg-ing n calling her; even not everyday anymore.
tu pn, aftr my fren scolded him by reminding him dat he oready rejected her
to make a point dat he sudn’t be too nice to her
n it’s based on my so called ‘suggestion’
hahaha…
can’t even imagine dat she asked me for a ‘cruel advice’
hana budak yg baik tau
idea je banyak
buatnyer x pernah
but there is 1 person who are better than me in making ‘evil thought’ and ‘vengeful thing’
and dat person is……..dayah!!!
giler hebat idea2 kejam die.
Still, revolves in thought only
Idak la sekejam tu nk wat
it just didn’t seem very right of me
to think a good n nice thing in the first place.
heheh……

I guess it’s a nice experience.
Me myself never been rejected by a guy; officially
Rejecting pernah ler..heheh…
ye ker…!!??
If it’s a one sided luv then it also considered as a rejection kan!?
ok ler…
Hana pn pernah ler kena reject
But a fren of mine said; ‘love is something dat we share’
so, 1 sided luv cudn’t be considered as love hah!?!
aper2 la…
i’m so~ over him.
and ini bkn ckp kosong.
sungguh2 punyer mmg dh luper.
tp..(ade jgk tapi tu!) ade la rs marah ckit2 lagi
Why ar!!?
guys kan…always hav d tendency to make a woman ‘perasan’.
pas tu x ngake lak
is they only want to make ‘dis ’ as a channel for his lonesome-->there goes to my fren’s situation
it seems dat I’m overly protecting myself nowadays
to make sure dat I can’t be hurt easily by guy(s) n make it clear dat luv is not my priority
at d moment je ler
heheh….
I do want to get married to a beautiful compassion, intelligent man.
Living in a beautiful home with children.
(kalo hepi..kire beautiful la umah kan!?)
Having enough money to be worried free.
(but please….i’m no materialistic ok!!it’s not all about d money aftrall)
I believed I’m deeply worthy of being well love and I deserve to be well love.
and will able to handle anything that comes my way.
security for me is no in having things, but in handling things.
afterall, I oready got a great bunch of frens n family..!!

It’s not easy for a woman to make d very 1st step
dh ar kena tebalkn muke bile kena reject tmbh2 le lg malunyer
kasihan kwn aku…..
but she said, it mite be her false.
since she also did mentioned dat ‘she also want them to be a good fren only’

for me….
If I found there is a guy that really captured my attention
i will try to analyze n differentiate my feelings.
If I ‘think’ dat dis guy can suit me well.
That we have same perspective twds life,
and some1 dat I can bring home to be introduce to my mom
maybe, I will try to make d 1st step.
but then, I will leave d rest to dat guy.
if he shows no interest in me,
then that’s ok.
howver, I will only do dat kind of 'commit ' to a guy who I like
but not yet luv.
If I oready felt for him n been rejected later
hohohoho……3 thn pn blm tentu aku recover…………

~getting annoyed wif such a big fuss wif siti-n-datuk-k’s wedding. kecoh betol!!!!brp byk ntah blanje kawin die.
t’ingt ckp dayah ‘sdgkn anak2 perempuan nik aziz pn hantaran rm1000 je’. Kite tgk je la….
i believe ‘a good woman is for a good man n vice versa’ heheh…..
kalo bwk Abdullah fahmi (AQ) jmp parents aku mesti terus lulus kan.heheh…dh ar suara sodap…x jemu nk dgr. Bwuahahahaha………..(lantas t’ingt zaman2 tgk AQ kt baiduri. Muke dayah n ina yg melelehkn air liur memandang Abdullah fahmi. Dan iza yg t’kedang m’dgr suare mamat tu sedap sgt…’)

Brain empties

We are wat we think
That’s right
Whatever i’m doing right now, watever i feel, whatever i want-all are determined by the quality of my thinking.
If my thinking is unrealistic,
it will lead me to many disappointments.
If my thinking is overly pessimistic,
it will deny my due recognition of the many things in which i sud properly rejoice.

For most people, thinking is subconscious,
never explicitly put into words.
The problem is that when i’m not aware of my thinking,
i hav no chance of correcting my poor thinking.
When thinking is subconscious,
i’m in no position to see any problems in it.
And, if i don’t see any problems in it,
i wont be motivated to change it.

“The mind is its own place and in itself can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell.” John Milton, Paradise Lost

~alhamdullilah PBB dh buat resolusi gencatan senjata ke atas lubnan
but, I wonder if Israel are willing to obey on it. seriously!!!!!

Realization

There are so~ many topic dat I want to write
I don’t think I’ll manage to write all of them
Still, I can but try

On Sunday morning
I got 1 missed call from +81………..; which is an international number
It’s around japan, korea or china I suppose
my heart seems running so~ fast
i was thinking – ‘was it him?’
sooner or later he will come back
maybe, he’s hepi wif his life rite now
and hence, I hav nothng to claim from him
since i oready fend him off
It’s a point of no return
sure he ARE sensible enough to realize that

every other person in this world hates regrets
it will forces u to sulk for so many hours
while you sud doing some other productive things…
there are more realistic things to do
shame on me!!!
I sud just ignore the hooey ‘bout dis matter
Yes i did owed him something
and it’s nothing more than an apology
we r so young during that time and I don’t even sure wat I want in d 1st place
wat d heck…….
I oready make it clear
Even so, I did hurt him
hehe….wat goes around comes around

Acceptance and forgiveness is still in learning process
I accept that I can’t manage to get everything that I want
I accept my flaws
I accept my life as wat it is
Even so, I also learn to make my life better

maybe it IS true that I always live my life in d way that I want it to be
It’s true that I manage to get everything in my life (before)
It’s true that ‘hana x suka hidup susah’
(and oo…. ‘x suka’ dgn ‘x boleh’ is a 2 different thing!!why we sud hidup susah kalo bley berusaha to make our life better.duh……..)
but
I forgive even things turned ugly
I forgive that I can’t get every single thing dat I want anymore
I forgive all d flaws
Even so, i DIDN’T FORGET!!!!

I’ve been hurt in d worst ways to d extend I even think dat there is no other way can hurt me anymore
I don’t even cry about that matter nowadays
Keras hatikah hana!!??
There are times my vivid emotions and memories coming back
and wishing that things can turn into normal
But
i can’t even remember how d ‘normal’ really look like

For d past few days
There are many of my frens, complimented me by saying that I’m look happier these days (if it’s 6-7 people it’s considered as many ok!even 2 oready considerd as many in bhs melayu kan?)
they even give me a various of reason dat cause of my happiness
Alas, none of them are right
I’m happy cos my perspective twds life has changed
I’m not seeing my life as half empty anymore
Even sume org melayu ckp ‘half full’ kan!?
(kalo air dlm gls mesti org ckp ‘kenapa x penuh air dlm tu?’ bknnye ‘kenapa ade kosong dlm cawan tu?’)
now, I really understood wat’s half full meant for
eventho I ‘lost’ some1 dat is so~ important to me
and hey…..i’m not talking about my lovelife
it’s involves a relationship dat can never be change
even in d here-after
even sometimes…I really want to…… L
Sure I’m not content; it’s a human nature
we can never feel enough
Yet i AM happy
as I accepted and forgave
I’ve learn that it is easier to put a smile on my face
and yes…I smile a lot these days

I realized people can changed
I’m also changed
I’m less whining nowadays
accepting things as how it turned to be
since I believe ‘others’ may want to be in my shoes
and always hav dis kind of imagination how great my life was

I also realized….betapa ALLAH maha adil
no one can have a perfect life
All dis while, I almost got a such perfect life
But hey…..’life wifout adventure is not a life afterall’
It did teach me d real meaning of life
Changed my point of view

I’ve accept that life doesn’t always involves in recognition
it is due to my failure to achieve 1st class honour in my degree
When last semester result went out
I was so~ depressed when I knew dat I will nvr be able to get d 1st honour degree
Not even if I score perfect point in dis sem; 4.00!!
Second and first is a BIG different for me
Lain la kalo second upper and second lower!!kan…~?
some might think that I am not grateful wif wat I achieved
yes….i did manage to get the dean list
But, I assumed I cud do better
wif that kind of result which is ckp2 je for d DL
It’s official dat I cudn’t rewarding myself for 1st class honour during my future convocation
x nak attend convo ler cam nih
Then….so many thought whiz through my mind
so many methods to woo my heart
There are times when I felt that some of those who manage to graduated wif d 1st class honour doesn’t even deserve it!!!
See….i am depressed during that moment
Ntah ape2 yg aku piker…..
but then
aftr a few talk wif my sis
i did realized 1st class honour can promise you nothing in d real working life
It cud help you at first, since employer can only based on your result for d 1st impression, but for d long term-it means nothing
but hey….i want it as a SELF SATISFACTION
not to showing it around others
i just want to make mak proud of me
and give her somthng that can actually make her smile
That is my very first attention!!!
And I also want to further my study for master degree
which I can nvr make it using my father’s money
which means I need a scholarship!!!!
So, I supposed to be graduated wif 1st honour degree to make it easier
aaaaaah…………..

Huh…………I can breathing now
as I realizes I will nvr be able to graduate wif 1st class honour; I’m less stressing today
I just want to make all the best for my last semester
‘peluang takkan tertutup. Cuma kite kena pandai mencarinye…’
and yes…I’m aiming for d perfect point dis semester
I hope all d luck in dis world may be wif me

And ooo….i’ve found a new way to channel my anger/sadness
no need to go for leisure anymore
Shopping2…makan2….catch movies NO NEED!!
Instead, I swims nowadays
went to pool everyweek wifout a fail
There’s a week I even went there 5 times
and an hour at least at each time
It help me to soothe my mind
and I like it very very very much
furthermore, jimat duit aku; only 50 cent per entry

~nxt learning: I sud be less self-centered
‘trying to be a better person day by day…….’

suka-suki.....

hehehe...thesis byk lg x siap dh sebok cr keje.
and o...does anyone know wat 'sistem teragih' in english
'rangkaian tanpa wayar' suppose to be 'wireless networking' kan!!??
ish....parah bahasa aku nih
bm terok...english apatah lg.
hohoho...i'm so~ far from perfect

http://enovate.usm.my/assist/permohonan/permohonan.asp

blah....blah...blog

I’m crying rite now
feeling mad at pak guard who’s think he’s superior than me
me and fiza got a ‘ticket’ for something which I can’t even accept
i've spent 5 yrs of my academic life here
never ever before i got saman dr pak guard
there is none even stoped me before n asking in curiosity as if i'm done any mistake
ni ddk kolej br seminggu dh kena saman
hohoho....
there goes my rm30
makan seminggu pn konyang

i’m so mad for not being able to shout at him
since there are cases involve pak guard r*** d a siswi here @ melati-if I’m not mistaken
So, I’m thinking of my own sake
in case if the guard mite aiming me and having spite twds me
And yes
i will cry when i’m so~ mad at people but not being able to express my anger
and once, shivering like hell while trying to not cry in front of people whom I mad at
(has mesti ingat insiden nih)

Hoho…I sud learn some anger management

How come he said my shirt not even cover my butt!?
did they really look it really closely!!!!!!
Hohoo…..i’m sooo~~~ mad rite now
I even doubt if his daughter back home wearing a decent clothe!!!
(kalo ler die dh kawin n ade anak...)
Adakah saya t’golong dlm golongan org2 yg teraniaya?
abis la ko pak guard…
Doa org2 yg teraniaya nie senang je nk t’makbul
I will not ever pray that something bad will happen to him
But I hope that his daughter may face d same situation here
Hahaha…
Wat goes around comes around!!!
hah!!!ambik ko….
there goes all my pahala today
Membuat dosa kering bad mouthing pak guard
It’s kind of humiliation for me
since i’m always certain that I’m not that kind of person
who’s wearing that kind of clothes
If there is ever anyone who mite read this
and feel offended
i am truly sori
This is my space
so I sud be able to express anything that I want ok!!!!
Ckp je la nk komisen hasil menyaman budak2!!!!
Kecoh pulak………
hilang terus mood nk g library
sori fiza

so here i am
trying to sleep and forget wat just happen before
but i can't sleep.
I guess it's all this nonsense that's on my mind.
I'm thinking what's the point.

There's a bit of change in the weather.
The breeze is cooler
Seems it’s going to be raining outside

And ooo….
Something happen yesterday

I’ve been kept this one little secret from fiza for years
except her, I’ve been aware that almost all of close person around me
knew about it
and I always told d others to not let her know about it
and let me be d one who told her d truth
yesterday
i’ve been as honest as I can
on that particular thing to her
out of my surprised
she scolded me for not telling her earlier
and wat makes me touched d most
when she felt angry for me
more than I am right now
it’s d very old story dat I don’t really want to talk anymore
d past is past
wat gone will be by gones
I’m not content yet I am hepi
And oo….
I’m so~ better than him
and he’s so~ not worth it

I had a nice conversation with a friend the other day.
Sometimes I feel that I'm too slow
when we have our conversation.
She's too smart maybe.
Her tongue tangles my brain.
She's something else though.
She really knows her s**t.
Maybe a a bit much that she over analyzes the analogy of the things of what she was analyzing.
See, I'm confused.
That's why I can't sleep.

all breaks loose

I missed my home
eventho it’s only few km’s from here
Called me ‘manja’, ‘ngada2’ or anything
But yes..
I missed my home terribly
On Sunday morning my mom called meand asking whether I’m coming home or not
Isk3….if she ask it on Saturday at least
I will rush and coming home on d spot
Then I said ‘ngaper….mak rindu hana ek!?’
But she answered after few giggles ‘tak…mak tgh cari orang nk wat keje.kalo hana balik mak nak tinggalkn keje utk hana.hana kan suka wat keje…’
‘eleh….mak rindu hana x nak ngaku lak’
hehe…when I said those words
a few drops down in my check
but I bet she didn’t even realised it
believe me….i’m a good pretender!
yes, we do have some argument
but when we do apart
I still miss her a lot
Huhuhuu…….

move...move..move...

~bilik yg masih bersepah








I hav been moving in and moving out from so~ many places in dis few months
Just yesterday
I moved in to residential college in UiTM
I know…I know….
Hana duduk kolej!??
Bior benar…..
Still settling down here
Having some problem wif d internet connection
Which really p*** ed me off
Huhuhu….
I missed my 1 gigabyte streamyx connection back home



Making a promise to myself
For not going home so often
And concentrate more on my project
But, we will see how I define d ‘often’
Hehehe…..
Wat can I can do
I just luv being at home
Hik3 :D
Missed my home oready………..

what do you fear?

I know dis saying is true,
“for a picture can truly express and provoke so many a word and a thought.”
Naturally our logical guess would be
That a moving picture says a thousand words.
Maybe truth.
Maybe not.

But I think illogically
that silence speaks infinitely more,
like the vast void of space between distant galaxies.
I know dat I must learn to live with the absence.
And I hav a great fear right now within me.
It is this deep unforgiving silence
silence that is intentional just for me,
that is what keeps me aware of my sins.

~I am aware, ever since a fren instructed,
that I need to accept rejection.
But it's not easy. I don't think it ever will.

lame entry

Like my blog title, this is going to be a lame entry.
I blogged becos of the sake of blogging.
I just felt a bit guilty that i've not been touching my blog for a couple of days.
And next week, i wun have much time to blog either.

Im being quite nonsensical now.
and i'm not going to check thru my entry
to make sure there isnt any typos or any mistakes in this entry.
Too tired to do so, take it or leave it.
Yawn. So many things to do ...
busy busy!

~fulled stomach :D

conversation....

Perbualan antara seorang ibu dan anak perempuannya ketika berbuka puasa

Anak: mak, td ade kwn ckpkn, kalo x mkn byk pn, tp masak ari2 bley gemuk jgk tau!

Mak: kenapa lak?

A: ntah, die ckp sbb ape2 pn org yg msk tu dl dpt bau2 makann tu dl

M: iye ker? Bley plak cam gitu.

A: die ckp ler…mcm mak @#$%W tu die ckp. Tak la mkn byk pn. Tp sbb berniaga, ari2 masak byk. Tu yg badan die besor tuh. Kwn hn tu, die ckp die x msk pn kt umh skrg nih die wat keje2 mcm sapu umah ker mop lantai ker…kite tkr ar job description.lps nih nk kemas umh jer lak.

M: dah tu?

A: dah tu, x nk ar masak ari2

M: bley gak. X yah makan(sambil tersenyum2)

Cet….aku dh agak dh mak akan ckp mcm tuh

~met a few rude people today
still, there’s a lot of nice people around me
so I don’t want to give a damn to those few
hahaha….padan muka korg!!

Watched the Oprah winfrey show today
I’m confused why there are certain people,
wanted it so badly to change their face.
There is a girl who through 26 times of plastic surgery
Trying to look like Michael Jackson
Duhh…..
No one perfect!!
You should deal with your flaws
There is no way
You don’t have even a single thing
To be proud of
There must be
Even a little thing dat can keep you smiling
Family, frens, job, achievement
Or even
Weather, stars, skies, cats
~Trying to understand those people…

gembira

i slept for 7 hours
without guilty
hmm...an accomplishment
wakakaka

life's adventure

What happens when you put 3 red, ripe rambutan, 4 plump banana, and 1 cup of pure lemon-juice into a blender and steadily blend for 1 minute? pergh...confirm saket per0t

okay,
that was a very very bad analogy
- but a blended drink is kinda how i feel right now.
not that im psycho
but i'd like to believe and trust
that where i go is where God leads me.
otherwise i seriously doubt
i could muster up any respectible amount of motivation.
I guees I’m a positive thinker!!
Hehe…perasan

someone i respect once told me
that the adventures i seek in life
are not the only adventures that God has to offer.
the greater and more fulfilling adventure is going through life itself.
N don’t envy those people
Who seems to hav a great life
Seems r having no problems
Dat IS actually their ‘dugaan’
Whether they will b thankful to god
For giving him such a great life
Or jd lupe daratan….
Ingat jgk ayat dayah
‘Allah xkn uji kite kalo Dia rase kite x bley nk handle’

i held on to those words ever since

~i must be lost my sense, my sanity
i was out of my mind
i'm not good in it. in fact,i've nvr done it before.
mgkn hana dh hilang kewarasan....
for d sake of my pride
maybe i sud just giving up on dat particular 'thing'

Intensity rising

No, I’m not talking about the weather,
Although it feels immensily wonderful,
The sun breathing down its warmth and all.
Plus a little haze J
And no, I’m not talking about my life
so why all the rising intensity business?

to put it simply,
i don't know where I’m at with all this change
and the direction of today’s lifestyle.
i really don't know what to think of "today’s culture."
It’s a much heavy issues
I’m concern on wat’s happening around me
Eventhough I’m not such a good person.
Still
I feel bad when I can’t influencing
People around me wif a good thing.
yet there is soo little good thing in me ;(

en hanafiah’s class yesterday really made me think a lot
not those thing dat only on the surface.
the beneath under
betol la ckp iza..he IS the husband material type of person
regardless wat’s his political thinking/view
hehehe…
too bad he made it clear dat he felt content wif a wife
and 5 children
hmm….
haven’t dreamt about it also!!
i gotta keep praying about this in addition
for everyone
and to everything else concerning my life.
i've been slacking in this for much more than a moment's breath these days.

Sometimes
I get overly conscious
and forget what I'm suppose to be doing.
People have different defense mechanisms.
It could make a room feel intense.
I've been hanging out with inspiration all day today
and it's an easy feeling to have.
Been gardening wif mak the whole morning
And a pep talk among us
Nice ;)

Hurmm
Yesterday I also got a pep talk wif fiza
All d way from shah alam to selayang
I cried a little and laughed a lot ;D
See!!! I AM normal..
The eyes of sincerity and my naivete blend together.
Someone to play along and agree and give something back
is a great feeling.
It's a slow process
and I've calmed down and I think
I like people a lot,
and their weirdness. Lol

up all night

i've been blocked by this distraction
that doesn't want to focus on what's right.
You just spoiling my mood
While I was soo eager doing my surfing
Looking for journals n info
Replying mails regarding my ‘future-to-be-called-thesis’.
You can call me something i can't spell.
anything,
i'm ready.
i'll interpret it in something beautiful.
it's my tweek of life.
i can’t take the insults.
i can't take your comments
even u not saying it loud n clear
but deep inside I knew it’s what u tend to say
because like i said before,
beauty is in what i make of it.
it's a layer beneathe judgement.
deep in to the core that makes me cry.
i've tried to reason with your mistakes
but i still want to give u my answer.
through this spiritual guidance,
i step aside which is mine,
which i can agree on,
whom i can judge and accept.
where i am,
who i could,
what i should...
u should really give some more time
u r actually got my attention
it just, there is some issues dat I need to deal wif
for a life changing decision.
Sori for being too critical
Sori for being analytical
Sorry dat I ain’t like wat u think I am
Sori that I can’t take your weaknesses
Sorry that u can’t deal wif my principles.
I’m not sad
I really don’t.
I just felt sori
For wasted ur such ‘precious’ time
it's natural. it's me.
it's regrets.
i can't deny it.
how can i?
struggle is company..;(
~I’m just glad I not sink into it

welcome

it's a new space..
i found out d email notification for friendster's updated blogs are a bit irritated
so
dis wud be my official blog.
wif out d notification
i doubt there wud be much people read it
so
i can just rambling here
rambling, rambling n rambling