analytical it is

i think im glad he's not here
yes i am!!

p.e.n.a.t

how weird is that

duduk satu circle dgn aku tp borak2 tak include aku skali
budget nk wat mcm aku invisible la tuh
im the one at loss here ok.aku ditched ko pun ko yg nk kawin dl kan!?
da terlebih tua da wei
patut da bley ade 5 anak pun

Mentally deranged

social pressure……
or is it peer pressure. what ever it is I refuse to let myself indulge in it
I have my own dating rules. but as I get older the more I sees it as ridiculous
I think I need to works on my issues first before I let myself out again (or even settle it)
honestly, I wonder whether I’m going to settle due to the pressure
it would be nice to share things with someone but I just don’t want it to be just anyone
selfishly, I hope good things really comes to me cause hell know I really wait
I always in relationships that bound to fail. So…maybe…im actually the problem
but I still believe relationship is not a matter of effort ,its matter of heart
tapi…people get what they get not what they deserve
screw

i always think that i'm a private person.am i?

29.11.2010 till 15.07.2011

ish...date confirmed!!!
module x dpt table lg

=(

he saw me talking with some random guy and casually inquires about that guy
'he sure was handsome. is he your friend?'
"i don’t know him"
'then why would you talk that nicely with him?'
"like you said, he’s handsome. it’s pretty obvious dummy, do you need to ask more"
'if i’m such a dummy, why do you hang out with me?'

how can you be such an ass and so cute at the same time? it hurts my brain.

apekah!!!!????

ko yg nk kawen bakpe mintak permission kat aku
bukan ko nak kawen dgn aku pun
annoying tau

kalau aku dah desperate sgt nanti pandai la aku cekau sape2 ajak kawen
right now, at this very moment aku masih ade issues
so ko nak kawen ke nk tunang ke nak terjun bangunan ke aku tak kesah
kite bukannye rapat sgt pun~

teringin giler nk makan red valvet cake
argh...berdosanye

thing a person would do to hurt the person in return for hurting you — even though the reason they hurt you is because you hurt them first… Sigh.

people can be so silly and cruel. Why do we suck so much?

its official

aku benci kerani aku

babi ko!!

Eddie: There! There's Sid! Let's go there and save him!
Buck: Okay, roger!
Eddie: No, it's Sid. Not Roger.
Buck: Yeah, I know. Roger that!
Crash: Huh? Okay, how about we save Sid first,
and THEN we come back and get Roger?

HILARIOUS, I tell yah!

budget 2011

ptk dimansuhkan

then we back to square one.hurm....

ten ten ten

nice date
working tho

karut

1.workload yg amat mengarut

2.perangai manusia yg karut marut

3.dan aku pun terlarut....

no point watsoever

aku suke carik pasal time2 tgh serabut

Verdict - I know I should Run. But I think I'll stick around for a while..Now where's my fire-proof protective gear?

jgn nak suke2 ko yg terluka
hahaha

p/s:i didnt manage to book the lower price flight to nihon
saket hati aku sebab byk bende aku nk postpone sbb date course tak confirm2 lagik

aku bodoh ke ko yg bangang!?

big question mark there

emotionally wretched

hari ni aku rase betul2 mata aku tanak bukak
but it just impossible for me going to bed

drama tak sudah
this time related to my job

insyaallah can get through

yang dikejar tak dapat yang dikendong berciciran

damn!

him: “I told you that you’re the only woman in the world that I don’t see as a woman.”
her: “So?”
him: “That means that I do see all the other women in the world as women.”

Auw…it hurts

cara-cara menangani stress

1. bunuh orang

2. bunuh diri


....why dont u just kill me

serius aku rase nak nanges ari nih

mungkin aku sbenarnye x bley handle pressure
sigh...keje manenyer yg tak stress farhana oooi

my unsavory business

“does it make sense to you?”

“it doesn’t really make sense, but it just happened…. i thought i wouldn’t be able to put up with it either, but i can, so i’m putting up with it.”

this is what life is

setakat baru 2, 3 kali keje straight sampai sabtu ape la sangat
ye la...kalau aku nak banding dgn bdk sharipah tu
(tp...gaji die byk!!)

tarik nafas dalam dalam

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
lepas~

I think I went overdose on my perfume and it's giving me a headache

Current mood:boleh tahan

current song on repeat mode:"Stars Are Blind - Paris Hilton"..don't ask why. Buang tebiat kot aku ni...

today's plan:tak nak marah....tak nak marah....tak nak marah....tak nak marah....

i wanna be married for at least 46 years

the cleaner lady came to my room today....teary eyed...
found out her husband's playing around
i don't know what to say to her..'leave the douchebag?'
easy for me to say...i'm not the one married to the loser
and there are kids involved

cleaner said 'penat saya berjuang datang sini cari rezeki'
aku kesian dengar..i can never imagine being in that position
all i've had so far are cheating boyfriends
u break up, you move on...end of story

my parents is another story...which i dont even want to go there
but when your husband cheats..then what?
all i can say is that don't give him any money...

i mean, alangkan boyfriend buat hal pun i can pack my bags and leave
(figure of speech la kan not that there were any bags involved)
really how?what do you say to a woman who loves her cheating husband?
you're an idiot? that'll be too mean...
get a lawyer? not that it's necessary...

i'm stumped..! just when i thought i always know what to say
there are friends keep turning to me for advice and all that
especially when it comes to lovelife
i give good advice..at least i think i do..
practical ones.most of the time...

the thing with me is that i hate looking like an idiot
and i would hate it if my friends are being treated like idiots
so when it comes to problematic guys and girls..i'd say ~ Leave..!

it was only until last time when i failed to practice what i preached
call it sheer determination, or just plain stupidity
(of course i'm sure it's the latter)
i keep believing that things will change
even came to a point i got my priorities all jumbled up
chucked a good guy aside to make way for this 'distraction' of mine

talking to the Don has made me realize that the best way out of this mess is to leave
leave while I still can.
i did made my exit
but suddenly i wonder
'why did'nt he call me anymore!?'

i think i miss him
(crap!)

Drama is my middle name

Location : Office
Current mood : cynical + sarcastic + plain bitter

time travel

i wanna be a time traveller anytime and anywhere i wish
doraemon....mane pintu suka hati!!?

he’s having fun at her expense

her: “I’m the type to say whatever comes to mind.”
him: “Is that something to brag about?”
her: “Who said I’m bragging? Still, my mother told me that if I meet the right person, he’d dote on me. Rather than harboring lots of thoughts and being sneaky, people who openly express what they’re thinking are the kind who get fussed over as cute.”
him: “but I’m not fussing you as cute. you are cute”

hurrmmm

someone once told me that if you look for something with an earnest heart, you’ll find it.

ramadhan datang lagi

emak used to say that the most foolish person is the one who uses a lot of energy but doesn’t get anything done

is that’s what I am alike? — i may have the energy, but things don’t work out for me.
sigh~

i hope this ramadhan i will be a better person

how I plan on living my life

win on the righteous things, and

lose on the unjust things

my thoughts on what i think about you

i think you are an imbecile

aku benci...

1. samantha brown
mcm cilakak bergirang gumbira seny0m2 kerang busuk.
how on earth she's able to do that kind of thing while im trap in this crappy job!!??
da la tu, shes being paid for travelling
nak kata hot kat mata aku mane yg hotnye
ko tido dgn producer ape?

ke...ko yg kaya produce program sendri

tak kisah la.yg penting aku benci ko

2.john mayer
for being able to put into words whats in people's mind but dont bother to make a sentence out of it
kalo aku jantan ade muke kayak itu, sore mcm gitu, me also can afford to be a playboy
besar la kemungkinan anak haram aku merata2
naseb aku tak jadi john mayer

updates

ade few things yg bg serabot sama kepala

1. ape kajadah ntah aku baek hati sgt bg kerani aku pegi induksi sedangkn next wik ade event yg kena setel.

2. nk suruh buat keje aku = ok
keje kerani aku same = bley la
nk suruh 5'S skali= ah sudah!!!

3. aku snap kat ofismate aku.menyesal, tp sungguh die pun saje carik pasal.

4. panas~
aku carik luth ngadu (mengumpat/mengata) kat die. heaven~

good friend is a great medicine indeed

wake me up when September end

aku confirm g DPA on October

1. ske sbb it will give me some time utk rest dr keje skrg.so, kalau lps DPA aku kena g ofis skrg pun at least takde la jelak sgt since da dpt break.

2. insyaallah dia confirm nk kawen bln 2 tahun depan. aku kat mane mase tu pun tak tau la lg. kalau mase tu modul dalam dpt la aku join wedding die.tp kalau modul luar sejahtera la.i wish i can be there.seriously!!

3. aku nerbes sbb aku akan pegi skali dgn no.2 dan no.3. knowing myself, i know i can play the ignorance part really well. jiwa kacau je la aku kena tanggung sendri. btw, no.1 has gotten back with his ex and planning to get hitched in this near future. and yes, i asked him personally.

jiwang ke!?

I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned
I won't tell anybody

Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound
Won't tell anybody

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall

I won't fall out of love
I'll fall into you

tu namenye manusia hanye merancang

aku plan dr tahun lepas nk g bon odori
tahun ni bon odori would be on 17/7/2010

tibe2 aku kena g ganu plak
carut carut....carut...carut...carut...carut....

ignorance

i do have the ability to ignore people

so, tak payah la nak test2 aku

i just need to write to make myself at ease

sesungguhnye kalau ko nk kawen kat kl nih
yg paling mahal adalah belanje catering

kalau satu kepala rm11.00 x 2000 orang
kan ke da 22k
miahahaha.....
jelak...jelak...

untung la sape2 yg mak bapak die nk bayarkan
so aku paham la sgt org2 yg mintak hantaran beribu riban aku lost count kosong brp byk
sbb nk cover duit belanje kenduri rupenye

moral of the story
aku kawen nanti tanak wat kenduri

mungkin aku nk tukar keje jadik wedding planner
bwuahahaha

of facebooking

1. kalau ko dah laki bini, duduk serumah lak tu tak payah la i luv u, u luv me, we heart you bagai kat facebook.lain la kalau korg tu wiken husband ke ape.bley la aku terima lagi

2. please lah.stop asking questions such as bile nak kawen?best tau ade anak.i had sex everynight wat so ever.come on la....who on earth yg tanak kahwin.tak kire la die ade issues mcm mane pun, deep down mesti la nye nak kawen.kalau ko tambah satu lg ayat sape tak kawen loser aku sumpah anak ko!!bukan ko ok!!anak ko...

It just to be hapen aku takmao setle for 2nd best.kalau ikutkan gatal aku ni cleaner nepal tu pun aku ajak kahwin da la.lg tak payah aku susah2 kuar duit ribu riban nk puaskan mata je jadahnya.

Pijak kat bumi nyata skit.things in future ko tak tau lg.ape nk jadi kat anak ko, laki ko, even diri ko sendri.sadap la please.kawin2 ni bukan keje aku..keje tuhan..sampai mase ade jodoh kahwin la aku.regardless ape jadahnye jenis laki yg akan aku kahwini nanti.

3. guna la nick yg melambangkan nama ko sendri.ni kalau da letak nama anak ko, gambar pun gambar anak ko.jadah manenyer aku nk tau ko tu sape.

Aku faham ko tgh excited br dpt anak ke anak pandai meniarap anak start berjalan anak da besar gajah ke...ye la aku ni xde anak lg.nanti bile da ade anak sendri aku pun x bley janji aku tak tepek gambar anak aku beratus2 bagi peminat berpinar mata.nanti bl aku add ko as if mcm aku ni berkwn dgn anak ko la eh.bkn dgn ko.tak pun ape kata, ko bukak la satu account utk anak ko sendri.pastu ko add la sume sape2 yg da anak jgk tu.yg da tua bangka mcm aku yg patutnyer dah boleh beranak 4, 5 org ni ko biarkan je la jd peminat anak ko ke ape.hish....

4.kesimpulannye, ko tu tak tau lagi langit tu tinggi ke rendah.kalau la kononnye betol2 nk mengikut ajaran islam sgt kan.patutnye ko tu faham konsep menjaga hati sesama manusia.tp, sape la aku nk cakap kan.ko mungkin baik dr segi pakaian ke ape sume, so kurangnye kat belah sini pulak la. Aku ni, gayanye mcm makin lame makin berani berpakaian.maklum la tak kahwin la, nak la tunjuk sikit2 mane yg dan kat lelaki2 di luar sane

5.there!!!i said it

Even not straight to your face

a guy(A rated) asked me today while assisting him 'soalan ni ape jawapannye ni?'..
as usual silence
'dah kawen?'
'belom bos'
'dh betunang?'
'belom bos'
'dah ade bf?'
'xde bos'
'laa nape x ckp awal2'..


cis!

This joke is rated 18s*x:

An 80 year old man went to see a doctor and asked :

Old Man : My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man : That's impossible, someone else must have shot the lion.
Doctor : MY POINT EXACTLY!

tibe2 aku terasa mcm nak tukar keje~

ade sorang bdk ofis aku naik pangkat (tahniah)
aku tak rase pape pun

sorg lg nak berenti keje dpt offer private company (pantat!!!)
d.e.n.g.k.i

today is my birthday

so please anyone
i need a new cellphone

He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye!

yes, it was it!

aku nk terjun bangunan

timbang kat umah akak aku stated 55 kg
timbang rumah iza : 60kg

bunuh diri

i need a break

i just want a constant reminder of how beautiful this place is.
it's healing to the soul to just look at the pictures and tell myself that $h!t happens, so lets just cherish the good wonderful things i had been through..











ahh it seems like zillions light years away now. wish im back there again...(with more shopping “,)

aku rasa nk pitam marking paper

no wonder aku xnak jadi che'gu

aku saket perut.
kaw2 punye bukan skit2
i can barely standing ok
mcm mane nk jd runner nye
rase nk escape je event mlm ni
cause i am by design - a selfish anyway.

sape susah kalau aku blah xde mlm ni angkat tgn!?


confirm aku kena maki

people are lame and obnoxious

including me


nice place..sigh~

aku lapar.lapar aku.lapar lapar.aku aku.

dysfunctional

is it normal?

i feel guilty sometimes for being happy

1. I'm now thinking whether I should write a depressing piece of entry when the hormones are juggling to keep the mind sane, or a super-duper optimistic and goody-goody piece that would hopefully knock in some sense into this roller-coaster head of mine. Sigh... this is what it's like being a woman. Sometimes i just lost my sense(s).

2. so in a nutshell, working life is going good. well, not exactly. could be better. with a handsome payraise. =))))

kerja dan kerja dan kerja dan kerja akhirnya it all comes to how much we make money at the end of the month. we all are rats, in a ratrace to earn money each and every single sorry day, in a gleaming hope to earn more, so that we can live more. to buy that LV handbag, Manolo Blahnik shoes, and wearing Gucci to pasar malam are still way ahead of me. hehe..

yang klakarnye aku bgn skit punya awal pg td.kol 5 da bgn.kalo keje patutnya aku bgn kol 7.niat hati nk EL.sudahnya

kajang-selayang-serdang-selayang

pantat!

but its not the worst.it used to be kajang-serdang-putrajaya-serdang-cyber-putrajaya

3. will be going to bali next month. yahoo!

4. gosh, i miss cats or even a cat.

5. I really need to allow myself to reflect on His greatness which is never-ending. Subhanallah

6. file - sent!!aku nk blah blk umah

Sorry.. i dont mean to be cruel but I'm not here to make frens. If i don't know u yet, there's a good chance i may never want to.. so..

i dont like politics dont let me involve

gaduh la korang
aku kuli je
jgn libatkan aku

nasib baik ko menang hafiz

kalau tak mesti kena carut dgn aku berbakul2 ",

berkawan

i got this from someone else's blog. sori la x letak kdt eh

1. Kalau kawan mahu mengadu tentang suaminya yang buat dia pening, bengang, rungsing, marah, sedih dan/atau kecewa, tolonglah jangan mula bercerita tentang suami kita yang hebat, terbaik, paling rajin dan paling mithali di alam semesta.

2. Kalau kawan mahu mengadu apabila merasa kelemahan dan kekurangan sebagai seorang ibu, tolonglah jangan mula bercerita tentang kelebihan sendiri dan tambah membuatkan dia terasa sakit hatirendah diri.

3. Kalau kawan mahu mengadu tentang ibu atau bapanya yang buat dia pening, bengang, rungsing, marah, sedih dan/atau kecewa, tolonglah jangan mula bercerita tentang ibu atau bapa kita yang hebat, terbaik, paling memahami dan penyayang di alam semesta.

Ada ketikanya
apabila seorang kawan mengadu,
sekadar mendengar,
mengangguk,
mencelah sesekali tanda sedang mengikuti ceritanya penuh perhatian,
lebih berkesan dan membantu
daripada bercerita panjang,
memberi pendapat/nasihat yang tidak diminta
dan/atau menambah 'perisa' dalam perbualan.

hihiehee..

br pukul 11.da rse nk makan lagi
bukan sebab lapar
tp sebab ade roti yang rase die amat comel

waaa....gemoks

btw, budi is 1 year old today ",

baik-baik saja

aku ok je
kat ofis mcm tenang skit la
byk jwb surat n buat data entry previous event je
ade q utk duty parlimen je x sudah

xde pape yg interesting pun
my life getting back to the dull routine
kadang2 ofis hour pun aku sebok nk bg my life interesting
aku pun surf la ntah hape2 nye website

yg x seronoknye kalo aku surf2 ni
mula la tibe2 ntah hape2 yg aku sebok beli

la ni tgh sebok usha blackberry atau iphone plak
aku da stop melanggan maxis
rase mcm makin mahal la plak makin lame
tambah lagi dgn adik aku yg tgh sebok bercinta tu plak
amboi2....bil die je ratus2 gayanye
aku masih normal rate kirenye
dah tu...die bantai kol no oversea.ape aku nk ckp
aku pun pernah berada kat stage asyik masyuk berchenta tu
cume bezanya xde hasil tak kemana

mcm biase la.aku maseh nk bising psl lack of romance in my life
yaay..yaay..yaay...
aku tau
aku yg ske carik pasal jual mahal bagai
padan la muka aku
tp insyaallah aku pun menanti berita gembira dr dia

insyaallah aku doakan yg baik2 saje

im officially graduated from 'i-am-so-over-him-by-the-way-i-am-much-better-than-him'

satu

aku x sedar pun die datang

dua

bila aku tau dia da blk pun

tiga

xde rase ralat ke ape memandangkan aku x sempat nk jumpe die

empat

dia yg ade hutang kat aku pandai2 la ko pikir mcm mane nk setlekan

one time man

Tell me once, i'll listen. Tell me twice, i'm annoyed. Tell me thrice i'll rebeled.

person 1: i think that you've been through too much to have faith that anything will last
person 2:....(gulp)

jgn pergi dulu

demam...
jgn la ko baik
biar la ko demam
sampai ari selasa ni
biar aku bley mintak cuti rabu kamis
aku tgh kemut nih
xnak g klinik carik mc
nak suruh aku g klinik kerajaan
msk wad terus aku nanti kot
kena tunggu skit punye lame

ok eh demam
ko jgn pergi dl tau
ko stay sampai esok
pastu bley aku wat puppy eyes dpn bos aku
mintak cuti
tak rugi pun cuti tu
melambak2 lagi

you know, in this world there are people who like you and there are people who do not like you. you like you, i do not like you. that's life.

aku ade crisis xnak g keje
minggu ni, tiap2 pagi aku rase xnak bgn g keje
mungkin aku perlukan entertainment

terus terasa kenapa la aku bkn anak org kaya
yg bley melangut ari2 kat rumah but still can afford to spend like im working (or even more)
kan best kalo bapak aku bley bg aku cdt card platinum unlimited
shopping mall bley close to public semata-mata nak bg aku shopping kat dlm tuh

beli designer bags byk2 (anya ke, jasper conran ke, louis vuitton ke,chloe marcie ke, gucci,rocco, burberry apa2 lah)

hurm...interesting~byk gak jenam ntah hape2 yg aku tau

pastu kasut2 yg ikut sedap mata beli x pikir pun selesa ke idak kaki aku nak pakai


baju pun...main pilih x payah pikir mcm mane aku nk pakai since aku pakai tudung


apparently, bapak aku x kaya
aku x harap die tinggal pape pun kat aku
kalo x tinggalkn hutang kat aku da cukup baik
hutang aku sendri da byk
haih...budi is due for insurance dis mei
2k tu...padan muka ko!!
nak sgt pakai keta baru kan

in life; You win some, you lose some.

mcm gampang....pang...pang....

yeay..!
mencarut lagi

self pity

damsel in distress

doa utk dia

ade sorg ni..aku kenal die dari sejak aku lahir lagi.nak kata aku baik sgt2 dgn die tu, idak la sgt.
maybe because we are too similar.
ke sbb ape pun aku x berapa la sure.tp,dlm x baik sgt tu pun kitorg kire baik la jgk kirenye.
sepanjang lebih 26thn aku kenal die, da selalu sgt la die on n off in relationship.
ade la kot satu tu yg aku rase memberi kesan yg besar kat die.mcm mane aku bley tau, tu aku xnak share kat sini....
tp,sampai la ni die masih x setle down dgn sape2 lagi.
aku tau..ade kadang2 tu die pikir nk settle for je dgn sapa2.
asal mulut org keliling senyap, spy telinga die nyaman.
tp,sebab aku pun kenal die mcm mane, aku tau yg die xkan satisfy if die decide nak settle dgn any tom dick or harry.
ade sekali tu,die buat gempak punya.having relationship dengan someone yg oready in commitment(read:married).
ape lagi,bukan takat org keliling yg dl slalu bising kat die tu je rase panas.aku yg kenal die 26 thn lebih ni pun terus rase x tenteram.
bukan takat sikit2 punye...die siap plan nk settle dgn partner die tu lagi.aku pun msk la jarum warning die awal2

'hang bukan x tau cerita lagu ni endingnya mcm mane!'
'ok la...maybe endingnye aku x tau.tp jln ceritanye sama aje.pape jd jgn marah kalo org bg ayat yg hangpa da diingtkn dulu....'

tp,last time aku tanye,die kata die da xda pape da dgn itu manusia.lalu,org keliling menarik nafas lega...
aku kesian kat die sbnrnye...
sama je mcm aku benci kalau org kesian kat aku, aku tau mesti die pun x ske bile org kesian kat die.
aku tau die single is by choice(termasuk pengaruh jodoh la sama)..
die ade byk peluang utk settle, tp die pilih single sbb die x nak settle for second best
aku pun xnak komen byk sgt,sbb mcm aku ckp mula2 td,aku xde la berapa baik sgt dgn die most probably because we are too similar

cume skrg,aku tau die ade peluang lg depan mata die.
sama ada dpt anak instant 3 org atau start fresh from zero.
dpt anak instant nk settle cepat2,tp mcm biasa aku tau yg die bukan jenis redha pasrah gitu je,obviously die nk kwn dl, nk kenal hati budi dl before decide on d big step.
yang zero kena bersedia utk jaga parents d other side sama2.
ape2 pun aku tau,die tunggu skit punya lama mcm ni,bkn la sbb die nk make it with style,die cuma pikir nk yg terbaik utk diri die.
sama mcm aku pun nak yg terbaik utk diri aku.

aku doakan hati die tetap dan tenang nk buat pilihan.
aku harap die sedar bile die buat keputusan tu nanti, ramai org yg akan tumpang gembira utk die.
aku harap die akan pilih antara satu sbb aku tau je die cukup berani utk tak memilih yg mane pun if die rasa its not a good thing utk die

wallahualam...

it has been 2 years........

since i joined government service(s)

3 musketeers

when i refer to this one, seems there are some progress involving them.
apparently, its hard to say that it involves me


1.the first guy ended his 7 years relationship with this gorgeous lady
and he keep hitting for a date that i keep ignoring since i do not want to be his 'rebound' item

2.i stop communicating with the second guy since i cant bear with the rasa bersalah

3.i keep despise the third guy and reluctant to have any connection with him

i know i was hoping that i could be his exception and deep inside i knew all along which one i lost my heart to.

Most of the time, its not an easy thing to just open up your heart and talk about your worries with people.
Even those people that u consider very dear to your heart.
It just....




hard

hating SAPURA

Latest scoreboard
World: 3
Hana: Zero

aku rase mcm blog ni da jd tempat aku curse x tentu pasal da

mcm gampang ok!!

last week masa aku nk book parking ckp awal sgt.kabar kat die nxt week on monday pun xpe
ari ni aku kol nak book parking da ko ckp full pulak
jaga2 ko.kalo aku tau muka ko aku jeling sampai nak kluar bijik mata aku

macam sial!!

x pasal aku nk kol blk satu2 panel aku ckp parking xdak.
kalo dorg xnk dtg sebab xde parking mcm mane?
ish....malas la nk pikir

im being dramatic this morning. reason(s) being

1.tgh busy..still, mcm la org lain x bz kan
biarkan aje aku ni~

2.i heard something regarding him.seroiusly, i hate myself for feeling like this.im trying being reasonable over here

a)we always on conflicts over lack of sincere devotion to our 'relationship' (as if we have any..).and its from both parts.masa aku beria die tunjuk hidung belang die.masa die beria i just dont believe in him

b)i despise his inability to work through conflict

so this is it.he will never be someone that i hope he would be.it will never work out with him.why la...budak x semenggah tu jgk yg ko ingat2kn hana ooi...

so i told him

I want you to know that you're the man I want to want but apparently its just not rationale for me to be with you.i want a healthy relatonship.bye

3.i hate it when im feeling tide up with my work.sigh~

i hate my life as a whole this morning!!!

HOW CAN I POSSIBLY SPARE MY TIME FOR OTHERS WHEN IM BARELY HAD TIME FOR MYSELF!?

ape ingat aku ske ke marah2
penat tau tak

ptg ni i lost my temper kat ofis nih
ni hah dgn customer tru d fon
rude hah!

aku geram tau tak
mintak tlg skali aku da tlg
bl aku da tlg mintak tlg aku undo ape yg aku da tlg plak
pastu mintak tlg bende lain plak
ingat aku nih ape!

aku cube la mengikhlaskan hati sesungguh mungkin
tp ko mmg la carik pasal
tak sudah2 nak mintak favor

come on la
wake up
this is a real world
skit2 gn ayat mintak tlg
mintak maap encik, ini bkn bawah bidang kuasa saya

sigh...i just dun like to talk about my work tau
aku takut kalo aku terlepas ckp je
same je la mcm dl kat bank sbb bank act
ni sbb akta rahsia rasmi
to be precise
i just dun talk about my work
but today, i break d rule

kadang2 subconsciously aku x sengaja ske menjwb or member ayat sarcastic to others

sometimes, I can almost hear the gears grinding in other’s head, as the noggin computer spits out the rather obvious calculation: “Must… reevaluate… farhana.”

Sori la..aku x sengaja

i am no fun anymore

Seems like i lost my sense of humor. In conversations hilang apatah lagi in writing.

Waah...i am no fun at all

I had all d time in d world last looong wiken. And all i did was eat.ate.eating and........oooh...eating.

Then im complaining about getting fat.not anything thin.thinner or......slim.

Aaargh......i hate myself

Pastu aku tortured my mind thinking about so many things.

1. Ade la jugak baiknya im not being selected for the DPA on dis coming march. Sanggup sgt ke aku nk mengadap 30minggu tu sedangkan br je rase torture 2 hari satu mlm penangan kinabalu.golek2 bwk senapang, lari2 bwk hos bomba, kayak sg perak pusing satu pangkor, ngendong tong gas.uish...lupakan.azam aku since lps trn ari tu xnk buat any physical xtvts utk 2 bln. So kalo aku g DPA bln mac x ckp la 2 bln puasa aku.he3

2. As the result plg awal aku DPA pn around oct which mean harapan aku nak kawin akhir thn ni agak pudar.so x tau lagi la akhir thn kat tahun yg manenye aku ni akan kawin

3. Mental checked my to do list since written nye xde kat dpn mata. Quiet a number jgk da bley ticked. Still d most crucial one xde nmpk byg lagi akan setled buat masa ni

4. So aku buat pros n cons ape jd in case ade la benda2 tu yg x ber-tick

a) In case aku x kawin2 lagi by d age of 35 mayb i sud consider adoption.i was thinking tahap toleransi aku skrg kat mane so it might be i would ended up marrying any tom dick or harry whom i think can be a gud father to my kid(s) rather than being swept away by d idea of love. Besides, love wont put d food on the table.

b) Still in case i got lucky n got married by then i need to reassess my current job. Sampai tahap mana aras toleransi aku utk buat keje ni. Its not a bad thing, really. Utk 2 thn ni pun da ajar aku byk bende. I just not very sure whether it is really a job dat i would like to do for the rest of my working life. Org kg ckp i havent found my niche n my passion yet.

c) I need to do somthng about things yg sepatutnya aku da bley tick but i didnt sbb aku berada di situasi yg sipi2 je lagi nk jd (then i know not everything is under my control)

5. I should stop hurting people unnecessarily esp when i know they are being nice with me with a good faith. I do not want get srike by lighting.

6. Ade satu bende aku nk tambah kat to do list tu and i plan to do it within this year insyaallah b4 oct incase aku kena g DPA lak nanti.so i should start my survey right away .

7. I need reassess my mgt on financial thingy


Tgk, aku bc ayat aku kat atas ni pun aku da rasa bosan.wallawei, i am no fun anymore


i like this pic.seems like every fiber being are having fun

p/s:nak kucing~

Several things yang menyebabkan aku mentally stressed lately:

1. I hate my jello body. I still think that my rolls of fat have been shufflin from parts to parts of my body but tak penah nak shuffle keluar dari badan aku? tsk.

ok, aku tau org ckp that i look ok, but kau tak nampak image yang aku nampak dalam cermin hari-hari. kalau aku cat satu badan kaler kuning, i can totally be that portable dehumidifier punya mascot.

if you don't know what i mean, IT'S THAT YELLOW GUY damn it.


2. budi.my car. last time kat bumper belah kiri yang aku x tau haram jadah bl jdnyer.

this time belah kanan pulak ade motor bangang dgn ambulan st john bodoh buat komplot against me. Eloknyer aku bump bg accident kaw2 biar itu ambulan rasa bersalah nk mampus punye x faham konsep bg org lain accident sbb die (btw,to justify myself ambulan tu bkn nenon2 nk g ambik org sakit ke ape eh.die saje nk visit ade la satu tempat tu mase buat ade la satu ceremony tu.karang aku ckp kang kata aku racist plak)

Latest scoreboard
World: 2
Hana: Zero.

i am terribly, terribly, terribly sorry that 4 wheels, oh my God i think half of my heart is slowly decaying when i think of my car, aku sedih tau. Nak antar cat bley masa weekdays je which means berzaman lagi sbb aku x berani nk cuti dlm masa terdekat nih

btw, itu motor x berenti pecut laju2 buat bangang so aku jerit sorg2 dlm keta mcm org giler

3. again. the fact that nasi ialah musuh utama. dan fries. serta nasi himpit. and ketupat. anything starchy.

oh well. bontot dah besar afrika sila salahkan diri sendiri aje.

4. this coming 30th march wud be my 2nd anniversary for my current job. I still don't have any clue of why d heck im doing this job,small pay.negative perception from others.emotional roller coaster.
i wish im being paid to be a housewife if none of this is working.

5. Jennifer connelly sangat hot. aku jeles.


6. Had the best trip of my life.i wish i could give up my life and just stay that way

Hari2 di uk, rasanya mcm pegi bulan(idak la bermaksud aku pernah sampai bulan tu). Ia seperti percutian yang panjang. Segalanya kelihatan sempurna dan cantik belaka. Pemandangannya indah. Udaranya sejuk nyaman. Penduduknya baik dan ramah. Warga tuanya berjalan bertongkat sambil berpimpin tangan sesama pasangan. Kaum lelakinya memberikan laluan dan membuka pintu untuk kaum perempuan.

Sigh~berangan

G Sabah plak, i learned about value of my life. And, jgn simply mark org macam2 kalo ko x kenal pun die sgt.ade a few person yg aku rasa bersalah sbb ade misconception twds them.they are actually a nice people. I would love to love them btw.

Updated on- quarter of millionth things that annoys me nowadays:

7. I still haven’t met anyone who can actually saves me from the dating world full of hopeless nutjobs who are after uhm-you-know.

cuba menegakkan benang yang basah

person1: “If we let him in, do you think his life would change?”
person2: “I’m just saying to give him a small opportunity. Just a small one!”
person1: “Opportunities aren’t given, they’re something you make for yourself.”
person2: “he has no chance to make opportunities!”
person1: “Then he shouldn’t have lived like that!”

he said he can tell how a person feels just from their tone.
To test him, so i ask how am I feeling right now.

He smiles….
but doesn’t want to answer.

“why?”

he grins, “Because I think you like me.”

And I returns, “It sounds like you’re saying that hopefully.”

Just another flirting moment

someone got into accident~

nanti la
aku malas lagi nk menghadap d chasing game
aku tepon tanya kabar da cukup bagus

keje banyak mcm gampang!!

nenek aku cakap

"Take it easy. Don't work too much. Nobody notices anyway."

i think you are an imbecile

senang cerita bila orang tidur aku berjaga, bila orang berjaga dan bekerja… aku rasa seperti hendak tidur but it’s just impossible to do so.



kadang-kadang aku rasa mungkin aku ni dah tak center.
betol kot teori mak kwn aku tu org yg xde keje carik penyakit panjat tempat tinggi2 tu pendek umor.

siot!!

nama aku x naik utk DPA

i should value my life more than anything

even higher than any highest mountain


determinism holds that every event, including human cognition, decision and action are causally determined by an unbroken chain of prior occurrences. meaning one event must lead to another event.

It holds that no random, spontaneous, mysterious, or miraculous events occur. Events are deemed spontaneous only because we have an incomplete knowledge of what is happening.

if i were to hold true to this, which i am, then free-will does not exist.

but then, when clock is alarming.any amount of determination cant makes my body moves

dont u ever underestimate your life's value farhana!!

digress

im not having a great morning starter.its not even good.
for some reasons, it became a key somehow and triggered my misery and all the hurts feelings that i buried deep inside my heart...with my ignorance and denial.

no amount of get away or vacations can actually solves my problem(s).its actually distracted me from thinking about it in way too much.but nope.it did not solved

did i have my fair share in my life!?
i cant answer that.not even when im already reached my 26th years of my life.

did i hope more for coming!?
sure...and i hope it would be a great one.

despite my contrary belief, which is to giving up.my small little tiniest faith tells me to keep moving.believe in hope and what not.and i know if am nobody.no religion, no faith etc, i would just take d bullet and put it inside my head.am not trying exaggerate my problem(s) it is simply how i want to show it in a way, literally, if im able just to give up.

but i cant!!
one of the reasons, yes, i am afraid of death. you see, im not a good daughter, not a good fren, not a good staff and most of all am not a good khalifah. therefore,death is just not a good solutions for me.of course i would like someone to pray for me when i died.and im very much hope that it would be my child(s) which is impossible at this moment since im not even married.....yet

its funny how i can be depressed due to something that considered as a small issue.sungguh duniawi aku nih.but i cant help it.its an event that can be prevent if a precaution measure being taken without ignorance.
sigh....im turning into someone that so ignorant that i dont even care about the unfortunate event that happen to haiti, or even the national transformation event that being organize by the Msia government apatah lagi the recent break up of angelina jolie and brad pitt.all these things ive learned tru my car's radio today while i was shaking and crying heavily until an uncle came and knocked my window.

pakcik,
terima kasih kerana memberikan sedikit kasih sayang dan perhatian kepada stranger ini.

so here i am.writing~
the whole purpose of the existence of this blog.
to be written~
not to be read.

no, im not having my PMS.its not during the time yet.it just there are times when i feels the anger with life as a whole.something that out of my control.and even angrier when the things can actually be control by me but as i said, due to my ignorant i just let it slip away and as the consequences, here i am. full with hatred.

lets keep hoping that it will get better (insyaallah)
and i hope the sabah get away will be a great helper too

sighh~

lunyai~~

penat weh...
aku rase bdn aku mcm x de pun lagi rest betul2 since blk uk ari tuh
mental pun da start penat.byk keje wei!!!

great minds think alike

emotionally attached to my routine

2010

so dah 12 hari masuk tahun 2010.tahun ni aku xnak buat any specific resolutions da
malas~
apart form d regular one which is nak kurus la
yg lain2 tu biar la it goes with d flow
karang awal2 tahun aku ckp nak mcm nih,tiba2 tengah tahun aku tukar lain plak.
sampai kat akhir tahun da lain pulak outcomenyer

ade songs in my head
betol~ ade a few bkn satu je
sepupu aku si bdk2 kecik asek nyanyi lagu jls je beat again la everybody in love la
pastu ade sorg lagik bdk lelaki tp sore mcm pompuan justin something.bieber barber apekebende ntah
tp satu lagu fight for this love aku yg ske.ntah kat sane lagu tu dorg asek pusing2 bekali2.aku pun naik suka la walopun sore pompuan tuh aku rase mcm sore aku lagik sedap.dpt bantuan komputer konfem bertambah2 sedap.

aku weng lagi sbnrnyer..
org puteh ckp jetlag.org melayu ckp... ntah aku pun x tau
malas aku nk ulas2 sgt pasal trip aku sbnrnyer.same je mcm org2 lain mase pegi tempat2 lain

cuma one interesting fact.aku x rasa takut kat sana.atas jalan bwk kreta selamat(sbb x byk motor.almost xde sbnrnyer.cacat la pulak kalo bwk motor sejuk kejung jadinyer).dlm mall rasa selamat.naik tube pun senang (saiko skit la sbb laluan tube berlapis2 dlm tanah).makan pun senang sbnrnyer.seyes aku tempted rasa nak duduk sana jer.

barang murah...kalo guna duit dorg la.
but its obviously because duit dorg kukuh
nak beli kicap kipas udang pun lagik murah kat sana kalo nk compare dolar to dolar
stakat barang2 branded item x usah ckp la.patut la sgt dorg ske tukar2 baju pastu g let go jual murah2 kat car boot.besar sgt la kemungkinannye kalo aku dok sane umah penuh dgn baju beg dan baju.setgh barang da tukar duit kite pun masih murah.

lets keep hoping we are heading in d right track
so kite bley jadik mcm negara dorg jgk~

kat cambridge uni

its good to be home